The Kettle's On!

Of the many benefits of living AF, it is often said that living this way enables you to build deeper connections. This may or may not be true, the jury is still out for me, but what it does do is force you to notice gaps and absences in your feelings of connectedness. When I first noticed this, it was easy to put it down to not drinking, but by looking more closely, it runs deeper than that. This is a period of my life where I have had to step away from regular football, which removed a source of regular connection and has impacted me more than I expected. Then there are work commitments, raising a family, and the natural drifting of the desire to get out on the lash, that even my alcohol drinking friends are feeling. Yes, going AF is the most obvious culprit for the feelings of disconnection that come along from time to time, but in this season of life, there are other barriers to connection that need breaking down to make way for a fulfilled and happy existence.

There’s no denying that alcohol is often the stimulus that pulls friendship groups back together, so it’s no wonder that I have moments of feeling that I will be cut adrift for the choice that I’ve made. But it doesn't have to be that way. True connection will still exist with those willing to respect your choice to cut down or put down the booze completely. I don’t want to tear up my life and start again, I just changed one habit. Part of my identity was tied up in that habit, though, so I have had to accept that it’s going to take time to figure out who you are to those around you when you’re now the guy that has a couple of AF beers and goes home when the party’s over. That's a big shift after twenty odd years of saying, “Go on then, I’ll have one more,” to the friend who wants to stay on just a little bit longer. I don’t blame others for not knowing quite what to do with that, AF is not exactly normal in a society that is built around alcohol. I totally get it.

I am sure there must be others out there who might want to make a change but fear that their social lives will be obliterated if they do. Well, the social risk is real but if you sit with it for a while, it might just be that living AF reveals gaps that were already forming and it doesn’t have to be the cause of disconnection. This post has also shone a light on new and genuine connections that have been made since I started talking about choosing AF. That happens too, and together with a consciousness of the different reasons that you might be feeling disconnected, a pathway is cleared to fill in the gaps in positive ways.

I genuinely understand why people might not want “Captain Zero” around on the all day sesh, but I am still here and I’m still me. Whether you think you drink too much, moderately, or nothing, I’m sure most people are going to feel isolated at times in life. Choosing AF for the length of time that I have has given me the clarity to sit with this and come through it. At first it seemed like it might cripple me, and it certainly played a big part in my returns to drinking, but breaking a habit that is no longer serving you won’t end a genuine friendship. The people worth keeping will still see you. So if, for whatever reason, you’re feeling disconnected right now, reach out. It doesn’t even have to be deep, I am still very capable of talking absolute twaddle for hours, just with a deeper heart and understanding. Maybe in the pub with a Guinness 0%, maybe in Starbucks, maybe at home, but I’m still here friends. The kettle’s on!